Locker Room Talk

***Trigger Warning: the following blog post deals with rape, including triggering imagery and wording.

***Trigger Warning: There is absolutely no nudity in the following images. Through the skillful use of lighting and artistic imagination, the images were able to be captured while the subject was fully clothed.

***Skip ahead: If you’re here just for the photos, simply scroll down to the bottom.

Rape is one of the most vicious crimes that can be committed against another human being. It destroys on every cognizant level of human awareness that we have. The sight of the attack constantly on repeat in their minds, the taste of their attackers sweat constantly souring in the back of their throats, the triggering smell of a specific cologne worn by a friend who turned into the attacker, the sound of music being played downstairs while they fought for their innocence upstairs, or that oh so horrible feeling of constantly being reminded of their attacker inside of them. One could even make the argument that rape is more heinous than murder itself. Because with murder, the pain a person experiences ends once they take their final breath. However, with rape…with rape, a person must endure with the event for the rest of their lives. It is a torture that is unimaginable to some and an all to real daily occurrence for others. 

So some you maybe wondering, “dude out of all the topics to talk about, why this one?” And that’s a valid question. Having been behind the camera for three years now and interacting with hundreds of people in front of the camera, I’ve noticed the topic of rape and sexual assault/harassment constantly lurking in the background. But it was after hearing the story of Nodeep Kaur, who has been kidnapped and sexually assaulted in an Indian jail, that I felt now was the time to really talk about it from the perspective of a photographer, man, father, husband, brother, and as a victim of molestation myself.

My photography journey has led me to the desire to tell stories with my photos. It has become easy over time to place a good looking subject in front of the camera and capture a photo. Since I’m not in the photography business to make money, the concept of taking “pretty pictures” became mundane and unfulfilling. So if I was going to tell a story, I really needed to start with something big. 

Shall we begin?

Living in 2021, controversy is around every corner. Over the last few years, one of those controversies has been women, their bodies, and the term “rape culture.” Now I’m not here to debate the politics of the matter. No matter what side a person falls on when it comes to “rape culture,” what can’t be denied is the fact that sexual assault and rape is an issue in our society. It has been major point of contention on college campuses, military units, and the corporate world. While the subject is widely discussed on a national level, one thing that I have seen in my life, is that it is not discussed at the intimate level amongst friends and families. So I set out to start that discussion using photography.

Mansplaining Alert!!!

For some, it’s probably offensive that me as a man is telling this story. I appreciate the fact that this is issues is mainly experienced by women. But to be blunt, I too have had a dick shoved inside of my ass (on multiple occasions). And to add to that, I was a child when it happened. So anyone that thinks that as a man I can’t tell this story, can get bent.

Sexual assault in the photography world

With the invention of the iPhone and instagram, photography has evolved from the not so common profession/hobby it once was, to the point that now every child and senior citizen has a thousand dollar high end camera in their pockets. Modeling has also seen a similar evolution. The magazine covers and runway stages once reserved for your Tyra’s, Naomi’s, and Cindy’s, are now being graced and walked by your everyday working class woman. 

But with photography, there still exist the photographer who will pick up a camera bag, a roll of film, a memory card, their lights and create photos. The surge in photographers like this has been exponential over the last decade. More and more people are picking up a camera. And more often than not, those people are men.

There is a common acronym within the photography world called GWC or Guy With Camera. Urban Dictionary (yes, I’m citing Urban Dictionary as a proof source) defines GWC  as: “Commonly used in the modeling/photographer biz, ‘GWC’ is any poser/creep with a digital camera pretending to be a pro/semi-pro photographer. With the introduction of digital cameras, GWC’s have appeared like an explosion in a toy store.”

While GWC’s are common knowledge amongst the photography world, their actions are seldomly talked about outside of the usual warnings to models. There has been a surge of men who are exploiting women and their nudity. I recently read a report where a photographer in Charlotte, had a model posing with her back turned towards him. He would stop occasionally to say he needed to apply more oil to her back in order to get her skin to pop under the lights. Well while he was “adjusting his lights,” he was also masturbating. He asked her once more if he could apply some oil, and instead of oil, he ejaculated on back. Even if this is the only story that I ever heard from the photography world, it’s still one too many. But the photography world is filled with many stories just like that. 

As a lover of art, I’ll be the first to say that nudity is apart of art and that art is totally subjective. However, that is being used as a cop out by many photographers saying “I’m just trying to create art.” But their actions behind the scenes are exploitive in nature. 

These beta type men, who were introverts growing up or never had much confidence when it came to talking to women, get confused by the attention they get from these very attractive women. They are use to the athletes and alpha males getting attention from women. All of a sudden, they get a camera in their hand and a good looking women are giving them attention they are not use to. They confuse that as something that it’s not and next thing you know they are doing  these unspeakable things. What’s worst, they prey on those who have little to no experience in order to take advantage of their limited knowledge.

Now obviously there is no excuse for this but I’m attempting to put a “why” to the reason some of these photographers act this way. A man that has been properly raised and is socially adjusted, will easily be able to differentiate between business and pleasure and knows that they don’t mix. 

So what’s the fix? The photography community is big. But it’s just that, a community. As the old saying goes, “keep an honest man honest.” As photographers, models, and creatives, we all have to keep each other honest and accountable. There are plenty of people out there doing it right on both the modeling and photography side. Those leaders, on both sides of the camera, have to step up and lead and mentor. We have to educate models and photographers early in their career. 

Sexual assault in the military

“Watch yourself Blakes.” Now all of this is totally my opinion and is not given as a representation of the United States Marine Corps, Department of the Navy, or the Department of Defense. 

As a military man with nearly 17 years in, sexual assault has been the biggest topic of those years, even when there were two wars going on. But I think the military is a microcosm of society as a whole. Why? Because military members come from society. They bring in the moral and ethical values that they learn from home or the lack there of. While yes there is a change within a person when they graduate basic training, 8-12 weeks is not long enough to totally change 18 years of indoctrination (good or bad). But the glaring point, that many have pointed to as to why sexual assault exist to the extent it does in the military, is that it starts in basic training. 

Despite anyones opinion, of females in the military and females in combat roles, women are here to stay. But in basic training there is a clear segregation amongst the sexes. Many people have pointed out, that this segregation is what starts the negative opinions towards women in the military. And I have seen first hand the problems that segregation causes. In times past, during basic training, males were taught not to talk to to female recruits or female drill instructors. They were told to be careful around females because they would complain, skate out of duties, and potentially get you in trouble. Likewise females were told not to interact with male recruits. They are told that males only want sex and will always look down on them. They are told that they will be viewed as sluts and they shouldn’t give any male a reason to look down upon them.

These young men and women were indoctrinated with these mindsets at the start and took it with them into their units. So now you have the sexes working together but with such a major divide. Recently the military has recognized that and has required that basic training be integrated and these attitudes addressed at the beginning. Will that stop sexual assault in the military? Not by itself it won’t. But as I stated earlier, the military is a microcosm of society. The attitudes and mindsets that the military is attempting to address and correct are still prevalent within the classroom and the boardroom. As a society on this small level (between friends and families) we have to address it too. 

Tying it all together

Seeing rape and sexual assault from a photographer’s point of view, a military member’s point of view, and from  personal point of view, I ask myself how does change start at the lowest level possible? And I know that answer is not simple by any means. But I do know, that answer starts with men. 

Without getting political, the actions, words, and view points of our 45th president were not uncommon at all. He gave a voice to a lot of people to be who they really are. We are all familiar with the “locker room talk” line and personally I feel that both sexes have locker room talk. But there is something about the talk of men that tends to go beyond finding someone attractive. 

Sex is apart of life. Finding someone attractive and desiring them sexually is apart of life. But when we take that desire to a verbally degrading level, we breed men who take it to a physical level. Because men in a group feed off each other, certain men will attempt to show their dominance through sexual conquest. Even if that conquest in not consensual. 

As a society, we have to normalize talking about sex and talking about it at a young age. As Americans, we are very prudish when it comes to talking about sex. And that can be contributed to the religious foundation America was built on. I have my own religious and political views. And just like everyone else, I whole heartily believe that my beliefs are correct. But my beliefs stop at my front door and are not allowed inside anyone else’s front door. But that’s the issue. So many people are quick to ram down everyone else’s door and toss in a flash bang of their beliefs’s. And typically this can be attributed to those in religious circles. 

Being a member of one of those religious circles, I understand the desire and command to proselytize the world. But there’s a scripture that has helped me balance sharing my faith versus shoving it down someone’s throat and condemning them. 

           Revelation 22:11 He that is unjust, let him be unjust still: and he which is filthy, let him 

           be filthy still: and he that is righteous, let him be righteous still: and he that is holy, let 

           him be holy still.

For me, it seems simple for a religious person. They should live their faith, share their faith, and let the chips fall where they may. God is the judge of all, let him sort it out. No need to force it.

Side tracked

But back to the point. We have to be real about sex on this small level. Excuse my language, and my apologies to the sensitive of ear, but dicks, pussies, tits, and asses exist. Stimulating those sexual organs feel good and as human beings, we want to stimulate them as often as we can. Let’s get deeper with it. Yes, both men and women are sexual creatures, but we men, want to get our dicks wet as often as we can and with as many people as we can. There’s no denying that. Coming from a religious circle, that is where we messed up as a society. We have been too prudish with our sons to tell them this truth. We hide behind the embarrassment of saying dicks get hard and like to go inside of pussy’s. And in turn, our boys are left to figure it out for themselves. Well those confuse boys of the past, grew up to make explicit pornographic material that boys of the present consume at the cyclic rate. And without proper guidance, those boys consume in the excess and develop a toxic view towards sex. Next thing you know, they are viewing woman as objects to be consumed through coercion or force and simply thrown away once they are done.

What about women and their responsibility

If you’re expecting me to mention women and their responsibility in all of this, well you better stop holding your breath now. 

I have heard many men place the blame at the feet of women for their sexual assault based off their attire, the way they conduct themselves around men, or their physical appearance. And I’m open and honest enough to say that at one point in time, I had that view point. But what causes this? Enter the oldest profession in the world. Sex work.

Sex work has been around since the dawn of time. Men and women have sold their bodies or been forced to sell their bodies for the sake of monetary gain. Stop…not here for a moral discussion on the matter. For the most part, women have dominated this industry and men have been the consumers. But sex work exposes a hidden part of us they we often don’t recognize. Which is women control access to sex while men control access to relationships. Follow me on this. In a typical situation, a woman controls when and with who she has sex with. Outside of forcing her, a man has no control over this. And as a society many have capitalize on this. Some women have monetize this through, exotic dancing, escort services, and now recently through digital media such as “Only Fans.” Stop…Not here to judge. Consumerism and capitalism is the American way right?

But on the flip side, men control access to relationships. No matter how hard a woman tries, no matter how much sex she gives him, no matter how many kids she births him, no matter how good she is, if a man doesn’t want a relationship with her, she will not get it. So how does all this relate to sexual assault and rape?

We have not been open and honest with our sons and daughters about the many aspects of sex and these hard truths when it comes to dealing with the opposite gender. We have not taught our sons how to consume sex in a healthy manner. The way he learned to consume sex, happened late at night in front of a blue lit computer screen and “BET Uncut” (Inside joke for my black brothas out there lol). Then he grows up with other males with similar experiences and all he knows is women are something to be consumed. Mix in chauvinistic attitudes, beta mindsets, bro mentalities, and the morally depraved and at best you have a sweaty dude subscribing to some woman’s Only Fans account and leaving “good morning beautiful” text in her DM’s. At worst you create a host of Brock Turner’s who are raping and assaulting women. 

I’m a father of seven. I have three girls and four boys. And I’ll be the first to say, that I am not ready to practice what I am preaching. In true dad fashion, I want my girls to live with me forever, and never talk to boys. And for my boys, I have that typical male mindset of let them figure it out on their own. I have no idea how the wife and I are supposed to handle this. But I know my personal experiences as a child, photographer, and member of the military are bringing me to this moment as a parent.

Telling this story of rape and sexual assault through photography has been more beneficial for me than I think it will be for anyone else. Because by telling this story, I was forced to deal with my past, my present, my future, as well as my own shortcomings as a man. 

Conclusion

So if you made it this far and didn’t skip straight to the pictures, thanks! I feel that I have to give a small explanation before you view the pictures. 

When I was floating around this idea in my head, I knew that not only the location had to be spot on but I also had to have the right person on the other side of the camera to really tell the story. Enter stage left, Shelby. Anyone who has followed my photography work, will remember Shelby from previous work. Our paths initially crossed through my time in the military. And it was a few years back, that she entrusted me with her story of her multiple sexual assault experiences. I knew she would be the perfect person to tell this story. Plus she was looking for a way to tell her story as a way to cope and heal from her experiences. 

It’s quite obvious that Shelby is an attractive person. Being a former dance instructor, cheerleading coach, and current fitness model, Shelby brings that controversial topic of “is a woman’s sexuality and attractiveness the cause of their rape,” to these photos. She was eager to tell this story through photography and gave me permission to mention it in writing. 

The photos you see below were created through a team effort from a multitude of people, both on and off set, that are too long to list here. But my gratitude goes out to each and everyone of them. I’ll leave the interpretation of what these photos mean, up to you the viewer. Without further ado, here is our story for your interpretation.